TO ALL STAFF REGARDING BAD LANGUAGE
It has been brought to the management's attention that some individuals
have been using foul and abusive language during the execution of their
duties. Due to complaints from some of the more sensitive staff, this type
of language can no longer be tolerated.
However, the management realizes the importance of staff being able to
express their feelings when communicating with other employees. To this
end, our Human Resources department have compiled a list of code phrase
replacements so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can
continue in an effective manner without offence to our more easily offended
employees. The phrases are as follows: |
OLD PHRASE |
NEW PHRASE |
| Absolutely no fucking chance |
I'm fairly sure that's not feasible |
| You lying shit |
Are you quite sure about that? |
| Tell someone who gives a fuck |
Have you informed the management about that? |
| It's got fuck all to do with me |
I don't think I was involved in that project |
| Shove a brush up my arse and I'll sweep the fucking floor as well |
Would you like me to do that for you as well? |
| Am I the only twat here |
Would someone else care to answer the telephone |
| You haven't got a fucking clue |
Perhaps you need a little more training in this |
| This place has gone to rat shit |
The office is looking a little untidy |
| Eat shit and die mother fucker |
I think I told you this would happen |
| You over paid shit for brains |
You're my boss and I respect that |
| Fuck off smart arse |
Well-done |
| She's a ball-busting bitch |
She's a full time career woman |
| Get out of my face, dog breath |
I don't think I require your assistance |
| Raving fucking arse bandit |
He's very much in touch with his feminine side |
| Boy, are you in the shit |
Does the boss know about this? |
| Kiss my fucking arse |
I'd rather not if you don't mind |
| Who the fuck are you? |
Are you new here? |
| No fucker told me |
I wasn't given that piece of information |
| What sort of clueless fuck wit are you? |
You haven't done this before, have you? |
| You've made a right cock-up of that |
It's the sort of mistake anyone could make |
| I'm dying for a shit |
I'm going to wash my hands |
| It's fucked |
It's broken but I think I can fix it |
| It's completely fucked |
It's broken beyond repair |
| Fuck off |
I'd like to be alone for a while if you don't mind |
| Fuck off you twat |
You are a very rude man |
out of